The Big Deal Surrounding The ‘Slut-Shaming Makes You A Cock’ Video







Oh how I wish I wasn’t writing this, and yet here I sit; swaying between sheer disbelief and plain old nausea.

There’s a chance that you might have come across the following video over the last few days; 'Virtue Makes You Beautiful', which I am hereby re-naming 'Slut-Shaming Makes You A Cock'.  (Excuse the language; that’s the aforementioned nausea talking...)



To be fair, these young Mormons really aren’t to blame.  They are doing what they believe to be right, but they are working within some pretty confining parameters; the patriarchal iron fence that keeps the cock (whoops, I mean clock) ticking and the status-quo untouched.  The status-quo being that women must look and act a specific way in order to be viewed as acceptable and (if we are really ‘lucky’,) ‘beautiful’.

Beautiful to others.

You see, in a song supposedly about ‘self-respect’, there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of the female ‘self’ at play here.  The virtuous and beautiful girl that these boys are dreaming about is obviously hiding away her sense of self with her cleavage and upper thighs…because the female form is something to be ashamed of, right?

Unsurprisingly, I want more for my daughter.  More self belief.  More self respect.  More...self.  I want my daughter growing up to believe that she is valued and loved for exactly who she chooses to be and for exactly how she chooses to express herself.  Whether she wears low cut shirts, buttoned-up blouses, or football jerseys; I want her to have the freedom to live life on her own terms and not in answer to another person's fairytale modesty code.

Some reading this will likely be asking, what’s the big deal?  After all, it’s just a bunch of kids trying to get the message out that a girl is worth more than her chest, isn’t it?

Not quite.

Because this video (sadly) does not exist inside a vacuum.  The “Slut-Shaming Makes You A Cock” video is just a product of a bigger problem.

Here’s the Big Deal…

Your lack of maternity leave.
Your lower earning potential as a woman.
Your Bossy daughter who sucks at math, versus your Driven son who has a real handle on his pocket money.
Your friend-of-a-friend, who was sexually assaulted but is unable and unwilling to prosecute because she must have been ‘asking for it’ in those stilettos and that mini.
Your knowledge of at least 10 adjectives to describe sexually promiscuous women, versus just 1 or 2 to describe sexually promiscuous men.
Your distaste at your own body…your breasts, your ass, your belly…
Your fight for birth control.

As I watch these young men in grey suits jump for glee, I’m reminded of the fact that it’s 2014 and there is still a huge need for (dare I say it?) feminisim.  My ears are ringing with the line ‘I need your modesty’…why, young man?  To further control and define another human as your property and sexual right?

I am a woman...a mother...a person.  I do not accept this ‘norm’ as being OK.  This norm of Slut-Shaming; this norm of assuming anything and everything about a person based on the clothes that he or she chooses to wear (or not).  Where does it stop, exactly?  Does exposing my thighs make me worthless?  How about my knees?  My ankles?  My toes?  And what are the deciding factors?  Geography?  Religion?  Social class?

If we are forever shaping ourselves according to other people’s values and controls, we will loose our sense of self to actually shape.

So yes, my language hasn’t been particularly polite, but I’m saying No to this norm.  Here’s hoping that the “Slut-Shaming Makes You A Cock” video will open just a few eyes to the inequalities still festering…Here’s to drawing light to the Big Deal.

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12 comments:

  1. Yes Yes Yes!!!! THIS THIS THIS!!!!! Sharing!!

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  2. I agree with Kerry! Sharing this so that we can see some change - it's about time! LOVE this perspective!!

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  3. Could not have said it better! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

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  4. Awesome, love the message & the rage!

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  5. OMG THIS! Well said, Mama Bean!

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  6. The video made me cringe! Feminism is as needed now as much as it ever was - how eloquently you put your points across - so very well-written! <3

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  7. You missed the point. These guys aren't trying to control. They are saying they want a girl that respects herself enough to not flaunt it all out there. They are saying you don't have to flaunt it to be beautiful. Having modesty doesn't mean you are being controlled. Men who are attracted to women wearing low cut tops and tight short/skirts aren't attracted to her as a person, they are being attracted to the visual body. I hope you want more for your daughter than to have the opposite gender attracted to how much of her body she exposes. A girl will be treated better, respected for her mind and personality by more men in general when she is dressed modestly. No girl deserves rape based on what they are wearing. No girl is asking to be raped. Girls are being trained by movie, tv, magazine, internet..... to think to be attractive they need to wear clothes that are revealing. I asked men of all ages their impression of a girl dressed in skimpy clothes vs. a gril dressed in modest clothes. Degrading thoughts and comments came from the skimpy, while respectable intelligent comments came towards the modest. Being modest doesn't mean you have to be frumpy, or passive, or controlled. Men/Young men/Women/young ladies who talk about wanting modesty should not be mistaken with your feminism. Be careful with your definition. Feminism is equality of the genders on multiple rights. Your statement to this fact shows how uneducated you are on this subject. That is an insult to all who have worked so hard to have equality of rights for the genders. This video is not slut bashing. I don't know you personally, but a tone of anger really reflects from your writing style on this topic. Don't over analyze this, that's how mistakes are made.

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    1. I'm just sat here shaking my head at 'anonymous'' ignorance...as Mama Bean says, there's still a NEED for feminism, and a NEED for this article!

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    2. Anonymous you are the one missing the point: have another read and hopefully some of it will sink in! Equality doesn't mean only one of the sexes must abide by an arbitrary moral code!

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    3. Anonymous - "Feminism is equality of the genders on multiple rights." Now go back and tell me again how women must modify how they CHOOSE to dress in order to prevent men from thinking (how did you put it?) "degrading thoughts"?? Shake my head, what an uneducated comment! Are you a Mormon, by any chance?!

      Mama Bean, just for the record and like most other sane commentators, I agree with every word you wrote. Particularly "cock". LMFAO!

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  8. Dear Anonymous, Are you kidding me???!!!! Men just can't keep it in their pants, hey? And so that's the responsibility of women to remedy, yes? How VERY educated you are with your talk of equal rights...

    Thank you, Mama Bean, for every single word you wrote.

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